My personal purpose is simple:
To know and love Jesus — and help others do the same.
It sounds clean and clear now.
But clarity usually comes after confusion. Purpose is often forged in pain.
There was a season when I wasn’t sure I would ever pastor again. After my divorce, I stepped away from ministry. Not because I stopped loving Jesus. Not because I stopped believing in my calling. But because shame, fear, and exhaustion had taken their toll.
I didn’t need a platform.
I needed healing.
And that’s where Psalm 40 became more than a passage — it became my pathway. A pathway to freedom, healing, wholeness and greater purpose.
The Pit Is Real (Psalm 40:1–2)
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire…”
David doesn’t sanitize his experience. He calls it what it is: a pit. Mud. Mire.
Divorce felt like that.
It wasn’t just relational loss. It was identity loss. As a pastor of over 20 years, I wrestled deeply with shame. The internal narrative was brutal:
You failed.
You disappointed God.
You’re disqualified.
When you’re in a pit, everything feels unstable. Your footing is unsure. Your confidence is gone. You question your future.
But the verse doesn’t end in the pit.
God lifts.
Not instantly. Not theatrically. But faithfully.
I had to learn to cry out for help – something I was historically terrible at asking for. I had to learn to wait. To grieve. To face my own weaknesses (and there were plenty). To separate conviction from condemnation. To let God rebuild what pride and pain had exposed.
The pit wasn’t punishment. It was preparation.
He Set My Feet on Rock (Psalm 40:2)
“He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
Before God restored my purpose, He restored my foundation.
He rebuilt my identity — not as a pastor first, but as a son. A humble, weak child in need of his father. Not as a leader first, but as a man known and loved by Jesus.
When ministry is your identity, losing it feels like losing yourself. But when Christ is your identity, even losing a role cannot erase who you are.
During my time away from pastoring, God did deep work:
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He humbled me.
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He exposed insecurity and fear.
- He healed brokenness I long avoided letting God touch.
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He reshaped my motives.
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He clarified my purpose.
That’s when this became clearer than ever:
My purpose was never to build a church or a ministry career.
It was to know and love Jesus — and help others do the same.
Whether on a stage, in a counseling office, or sitting across from one man over coffee — the mission didn’t change.
The rock beneath my feet became relationship with God and the Truth.
A New Song Comes After the Silence (Psalm 40:3)
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”
You don’t sing new songs in the pit. You sing them after you’ve been lifted.
For a while, my voice was quiet. I wasn’t leading publicly. I wasn’t preaching weekly. I was rebuilding privately, not ever with intention of making a comeback.
But God doesn’t waste silence.
Out of that season came deeper empathy. Greater patience. A more honest/real faith. A compassion for men and pastors wrestling with shame and failure that I didn’t have before.
When I eventually found my way back into ministry through coaching, I wasn’t returning as the same man.
I was returning refined.
The “new song” wasn’t louder. It was truer.
It was clarity of purpose… to partner with God in the restoration of broken people.
Many Will See and Trust (Psalm 40:3–4)
David says that when God lifts a man from the pit, others notice. Not because the man is impressive. But because God is faithful. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV)
At Your Caring Coach, I walk with men and pastors who are in their own pits:
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Divorce
- Addiction
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Career collapse
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Leadership failure
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Secret shame
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Fear that has eroded confidence
They don’t need hype.
They don’t need clichés.
They need hope rooted in truth. Truth of who God is and who God has created and called them to be. That is exactly what I needed. When I tell them God can restore purpose after failure, I’m not speaking theory. I’ve lived it.
God doesn’t just rescue you from the pit. He repurposes your pain so others can find solid ground.
Pain Was Never the End of the Story (Psalm 40:5)
“Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us…”
There was a time I thought divorce was the defining chapter of my life. It wasn’t. It was a refining chapter. It stripped away pride. It exposed fear. It dismantled misplaced identity. But it also clarified calling.
Today, my purpose is clearer than ever:
To know Jesus deeply (Head and Heart).
To love Him authentically (To express love honestly).
And to help other men rediscover Him in their own pain.
Pain did not cancel my purpose. It clarified it.
The pit did not disqualify me It deepened me.
And the same can be true for you.
If You’re in the Pit Right Now
Maybe you’re waiting.
Maybe your confidence is gone.
Maybe shame is loud.
Maybe your future feels uncertain.
Psalm 40 reminds us:
God hears.
God lifts.
God steadies.
God restores song.
God repurposes pain.
Your suffering is not the end of your story.
It may be the beginning of a clearer purpose than you’ve ever known.
And if you’re ready to move from pit to purpose, you don’t have to do it alone.
That’s why I do what I do.
To know and love Jesus — and help you do the same.
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