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If you know the name Tyler Durden and the first rule of fight club, than you might be awesome, and you might be ready to talk self confidence with me. Tyler Durden is a character played by Brad Pitt in the movie Fight Club (1999). He exudes cool, sexuality and self confidence. Meanwhile, Edward Norton’s charter is lonely, depressed and completely lacks anything resembling confidence. What we don’t know until the end of the movie is that Tyler Durden was an alter ego created by Norton’s character to empower him to do what he thought wasn’t possible for himself (He basically had split personality disorder). We admire people who exudes this kind of confidence and secretly wish we had it.

If you are going to turn your pain into passion you will need a truck load of confidence. Easier said than done, right? So where do the raw materials of confidence come from? Are people born with it? Do you either have it, or not? Do you have to create an alter ego to find confidence? Actually there are sources you can begin to find and cultivate in your life that will make self confidence a natural and daily occurrence.

Source #1 is CLARITY. Clarity gives birth to confidence; a lack of clarity gives birth to confusion. Clarity is the ability to see and understand whatever you give your attention to. When you have little clarity you will find yourself stuck in hesitation and indecision.

We must start with clarity about who God is. If we don’t have a full picture of who God is we will see and experience the world in very convoluted ways. We must also understand what he has promised and what he is capable of in our lives. If we don’t we will misunderstand our role and God’s role in our lives and the problems we face.

Next, we need clarity about who we are in light of what God says about us. We also need the ability to accept the reality of who we are – the real us, not the “us” we allow people to experience. Knowing these two things help us to not be tempted to be God and in control of our circumstances and their outcomes. It teaches us faith and trust.

Narrowing your focus can help you gain confidence. Having too many things you are trying to work through at once can become overwhelming and cause paralysis rather than help you feel confident. Being clear on what is your responsibility and what is not, is crucial. When you know who you are and what you are supposed to do you will find the confidence to do it.

Source #2 is Competence: The second source after clarity is competence. Competence is ability to do something successfully or efficiently. If you are able to develop your talents and skills to the level of a professional you will undoubtedly develop a confidence proportional to that skill set. Likewise, things we feel less confident about are usually those things and skills that are underdeveloped. If you want to be good at anything, you will have to invest time, money and hard work to ensure trust in yourself to do it well.

Source #3 is Courage: Courage is the inner bravery, strength and commitment to face whatever is in front of you, even when it’s hard or painful. Courage is an inside job, but you will also have to outsource it regularly. You must speak strength into your own life and you must find non-judgmental voices to speak courage into you. You will need EN-couragement… that is the investment and deposit of other’s courage into you. The amount of courage you have will help sustain the pursuit of your passions. Having people who love you and believe in you is powerfully important. Believing in yourself is exponentially powerful.

Clarity gives birth to confidence, competence gives skill to your confidence and courage gives power to accomplish it. You will need these 3 on the daily, but they must be developed and replenished over time.

Clarity gives birth to confidence (develops your mindset)… competence gives skill to your confidence (develops your skill set) and courage gives power to accomplish it (develops your heart set). You will need all 3, but they must be developed and replenished over time.

If you don’t naturally wake up in the morning with your hair on fire and full of confidence than you may want to look into getting a little help. Working with a quality coach can help you identify and develop these sources in your life. A good coach knows how to pull the best out of the confidence that is already living inside of you. Let me know if I can help you find your clarity, and develop your competence and courage.

How and where do you find confidence? What sources do you draw from?

Coach Matt

Coach Matt

Matt has over 20 years experience as a pastor, organizational leader and coach. Matt is a survivor of pain, trauma, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and codependency. He has learned to not only survive trauma and pain, but live a passionate and fulfilling life and loves helping others do the same.