I remember sitting across from a pastor friend who looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He was carrying a family in crisis, a staff conflict brewing in the background, his own marriage running on empty, and about fourteen other conversations that were all labeled “urgent.” When I asked how he was doing, he said the words I’ve heard from hundreds of ministry leaders: “I just feel responsible for everyone.”
I get it. That impulse—to take it all on, to fix it, to be available for everything—is baked into the pastoral calling. But here’s what I’ve had to learn the hard way: there’s a difference between compassion and carrying what isn’t yours to carry. And confusing the two will eventually break you.
Galatians 6 Has Two Contradictory Verses—On Purpose
Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Then three verses later: “For each one should carry their own load.” (Galatians 6:5)
Same chapter. Same author. Two apparently opposite commands. This isn’t a mistake. Paul is drawing a distinction that pastors desperately need to understand.
The word for “burden” in verse 2 is baros—a crushing, overwhelming weight. Something too heavy for one person alone. The word for “load” in verse 5 is phortion—a manageable pack, like a soldier’s gear. The thing you’re meant to carry yourself.
Some things belong to you. Some belong to others. And some belong to God. Wisdom is learning the difference.
Three Categories That Changed How I Do Ministry
When I was in the middle of my own breakdown, I started sorting every problem and burden into three categories—and it was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.
My Problem. These are the things I am genuinely responsible for. My character. My choices. My emotional and spiritual health. My response to hard situations. If it’s mine, I don’t hand it to God or someone else—I do the work. Avoidance dressed up as surrender is still avoidance.
Their Problem. These are the situations belonging to the people in your congregation, on your staff, or in your family. You can walk alongside them. You can pray, speak truth, offer wisdom. But you cannot fix them. You cannot want their healing more than they do. Taking over someone else’s problem—even with good intentions—robs them of the growth that only comes through ownership. It also quietly communicates that you don’t trust them or God.
God’s Problem. These are the things that are simply outside your control. The outcome of a situation you’ve done everything right in. The hearts of people who aren’t ready to change. The church’s future when the numbers don’t look good. The diagnosis you didn’t see coming. These belong to God—and when you carry them as if they belong to you, you’re playing a role that was never yours to play.
The Real Cost of Carrying What Isn’t Yours
When pastors carry everything, something has to give—and it’s almost always the things that matter most. Your prayer life gets crowded out by everyone else’s problems. Your family gets what’s left after the congregation gets the best of you. Your own soul goes unattended because you’ve convinced yourself that caring for others is your spiritual life.
Peter makes it simple: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) The word “cast” is active and deliberate. It’s not a passive release—it’s a conscious transfer. You’re taking something you’ve been holding and putting it in the hands of Someone who is actually capable of holding it.
That transfer isn’t irresponsibility. It’s faith.
A Question Worth Sitting With
Before you move on to your next email or your next pastoral crisis, I want to leave you with one question:
What are you carrying right now that doesn’t actually belong to you?
Name it. Be honest about it. And then ask: Is this mine to carry, theirs to carry, or God’s?
You were called to shepherd, not to save. There’s only One who saves—and he’s not burned out.
If you’re a pastor who’s exhausted from carrying what isn’t yours, I’d love to talk. Coaching with Your Caring Coach is designed specifically for ministry leaders who are ready to do their own work—and let go of everyone else’s. Reach out here.
